$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
