I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
