why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Text me some of your sweat
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