I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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