This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
