I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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