Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
