Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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