Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
