Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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