Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
