That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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