C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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