someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
