I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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