I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
