and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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