Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
