Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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