I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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