At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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