Kareoke will never be a sober sport
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
