at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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