That's intense
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
