My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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