I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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