I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You ruined the universe
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
