he was CRYING into my vagina
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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