Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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