Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This baby is an asshole
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
