I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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