Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
