smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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