He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
