i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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