If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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