i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
