he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
