I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
