I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
