Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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