i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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