I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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