if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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