nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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