Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
