ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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