If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dick very happy bro
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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