I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices