well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
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I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.