Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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