He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
