And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
