did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we should paint friendship bongs
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