sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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