gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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