This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
