I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
