I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
