he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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