you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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