took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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