yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
