Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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