the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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