I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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