guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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