Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
