the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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