Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
