Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
kristin has been a bad kristin
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
