Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
