so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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