glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
