I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
