Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
