Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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