24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
