believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My dick has a subreddit
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
