And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
