absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
