She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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